Product Labels

Some Things That do NOT need to be on Labels

1. On Sears hairdryer:

"Do not use while sleeping."

(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

2. On a bag of Fritos:

"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."

(Evidently, the shoplifter special)

3. On a bar of Dial soap:

"Directions: Use like regular soap."

(And that would be how. . . ?)

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners:

"Serving suggestions: Defrost."

(But it's "just" a suggestion)

5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):

"Do not turn upside down."

(Oops, too late!)

6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

"Product will be hot after heating."

(As night follows the day . . . .)

7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

"Do not iron clothes on body."

(But wouldn't this save even more time?)

8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:

"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this


(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction

accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with

head colds off those forklifts.)

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid:

"Warning: May cause drowsiness."

(One would hope)

10. On most brands of Christmas lights:

"For indoor or outdoor use only."

(As opposed to what?)

11. On a Japanese food processor:

"Not to be used for the other use."

(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

12. On Sainsbury's peanuts:

"Warning: Contains nuts."


13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

(Fly Delta.)

14. On a child's Superman costume:

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

(I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)

15. On a Swedish chain saw:

"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?...Good


16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid:

"Do not use on food."

(Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's OK honey just grab the


17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste:

"If swallowed contact poison control."

(Oh please have you ever heard about someone dying from

swallowing a little toothpaste?)

18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent:

"Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine."

(Hey no more swimming in the washing machine kids)